Anyone that reads my title might not understand. i got all the way to the waiting area for the OR two weeks ago and hit a stop sign. UTI. for anyone that dosent know what that is. its a great big joy kill. lol. believe me i wasnt laughing at the time.
i was calmer that day then i've been for months. finally the day was here i was about to begin a long recovery .
#1 recovery. that is where you start out in pain and you get better every day.
#2 no surgery. that is where you hurt every day and it only gets worse.
very short pro and con list.
ok. so if anyone can tell me this i'd love to hear it. i hear alot of people say they are scared. i've not been scared i've been excited frusterated with waiting and afraid it wouldnt happen but not scared of the surgery. it would figure that i'd still be here waiting.
the song somewhere over the rainbow is playing happily in my head right now. if i can get to the rainbow it will be an uphill battle to get to the top but once i've reached it i can get to the pot of gold on the other side.
so i'm praying that tomorrow is the day
and i hope i wont be checking in till next week.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
the final 3
ok so were almost there. surgery scheduled for 730 monday. i'm so excited. i'd like to thank all my loved ones and friends who have shown me their support. in the past 15 years i've thought many times 'this is the time" then i've put it off a few more years. well i'm here and i'm so glad. not glad because i hurt. glad because i'm finally going to know a life without pain. my hips wont be reconstruction anymore. they will be new. maybell (my right hip) will be traded in for veronica. she has served me long past her time. i'm glad to retire her. cheers.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
want to be a surgeon
i found this site to help the kids, but the whole family has played the games. try it out. http://www.edheads.org/
Thursday, May 14, 2009
walking at work
well, i was at work yesterday and after working at the clinic from 530am till 8am
i went to the hospital to take care of 2 patients. at the end of the day 645pm. walking around beds in tight quarters, i left our med box in the room and the paperwork and then told my boss today what time i left. right now the walk down to the 1st floor all the way to the supervisors office then to mailing for the billing and then to the car then back into the clinic up the steps to clock out is just impossible at the end of the day. well most other days i do it or i decide which really has to be done. and usually end up telling my boss the time. i wasnt tired and i'm not lazy i just sat there dreading that walk. its an aweful feeling the one i hate the most. knowing exactly what i need to do and knowing how much i'm going to hurt doing it. i know for most people these arent big things, but right now they are miserable. i dont remember anymore when they werent,
i dont remember when walking down to the caffeteria wasnt a dreaded experience
i dont remember when getting up from the couch or a chair took 5 minutes.
i do remember when i would take off at 5pm and decide to do a project in the house and stay up all night doing it. i remember when i would plan day trips with the kids to the zoo, i knew it would be hard but i could still do it. i remember when the kids were gone how i would get dressed and go to the book store and look around for hours. now i pass because i cant stand in the isles long enough to look at all the titles. i remember going dancing all night every weekend and even some during the week and now i dont even bother. i want all that back. i look at the dishes in the sink and know i cant stand long enough to wash all of them. i love to cook always have and now i dont even do that much. it includes walking thru the store and then standing at the counter or stove. even if i sit while i cook i have to keep getting up. i look at this and think man i've gotten so lazy, but i havent i still want to do all these things and whith my new hardware i will. i want to go to the lake with the kids and not have to sit halfway , i never even got near the water. my friend went and played with them. i didnt go all the way because i knew i couldnt make it back. i think alot since i started this and sometimes i hate that i cant remember what it was like to be without pain. i look forward to rehab i cant wait to exercise.
i've never been able to really stretch because i've always let pain be an indicator of what was to far for my hips. i'll have a bigger range of motion now then i ever have and i look forward to trying it out. i'll be able to do leg raises now i'll know if i cant that its muscular and i just need to work harder. i'd like to think since i've always worked on my feet that my muscles will still respond when i tell them to. i read stories of people that knew normal who have this and they say its great after i want to be able to do that.
i went to the hospital to take care of 2 patients. at the end of the day 645pm. walking around beds in tight quarters, i left our med box in the room and the paperwork and then told my boss today what time i left. right now the walk down to the 1st floor all the way to the supervisors office then to mailing for the billing and then to the car then back into the clinic up the steps to clock out is just impossible at the end of the day. well most other days i do it or i decide which really has to be done. and usually end up telling my boss the time. i wasnt tired and i'm not lazy i just sat there dreading that walk. its an aweful feeling the one i hate the most. knowing exactly what i need to do and knowing how much i'm going to hurt doing it. i know for most people these arent big things, but right now they are miserable. i dont remember anymore when they werent,
i dont remember when walking down to the caffeteria wasnt a dreaded experience
i dont remember when getting up from the couch or a chair took 5 minutes.
i do remember when i would take off at 5pm and decide to do a project in the house and stay up all night doing it. i remember when i would plan day trips with the kids to the zoo, i knew it would be hard but i could still do it. i remember when the kids were gone how i would get dressed and go to the book store and look around for hours. now i pass because i cant stand in the isles long enough to look at all the titles. i remember going dancing all night every weekend and even some during the week and now i dont even bother. i want all that back. i look at the dishes in the sink and know i cant stand long enough to wash all of them. i love to cook always have and now i dont even do that much. it includes walking thru the store and then standing at the counter or stove. even if i sit while i cook i have to keep getting up. i look at this and think man i've gotten so lazy, but i havent i still want to do all these things and whith my new hardware i will. i want to go to the lake with the kids and not have to sit halfway , i never even got near the water. my friend went and played with them. i didnt go all the way because i knew i couldnt make it back. i think alot since i started this and sometimes i hate that i cant remember what it was like to be without pain. i look forward to rehab i cant wait to exercise.
i've never been able to really stretch because i've always let pain be an indicator of what was to far for my hips. i'll have a bigger range of motion now then i ever have and i look forward to trying it out. i'll be able to do leg raises now i'll know if i cant that its muscular and i just need to work harder. i'd like to think since i've always worked on my feet that my muscles will still respond when i tell them to. i read stories of people that knew normal who have this and they say its great after i want to be able to do that.
Monday, May 11, 2009
yes
ok, so my hidden fear that my leave would be turned down is now gone. oh thank you God. i qualify for fmla and the extended leave. i get both hips done in one leave i get to go back to work 100% this is going to be great. ( oh i'm gonna hate this post in my i did this to myself days). i've waited for this for so long and now my final few obstacles are comming down. God must really know this is time because my normal procrastination has gone away and i'm getting my ducks in a row. i'm under the thirty day mark and i finally feel like i will make it.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
5/6/209
to all of those i love,
well i'm off work today and amazingly my mood is much better. lol. i love my job, but pain is a definite distraction. one i'm ready to trade in. i'd like to say thanks to all those that have stood by me especially now when my good and bad days seem to run together. the less my body does for me the more i get in my own head. since i already think too much that is a bad place to be. yesterday i took my mobic, used lidocain patches on each hip and still ended up taking a pain pill. when i got home all i could think is i just want to quit hurting. its bad i can actually see how someone could overdose just trying to get pain to go away. now i've got the meds prescribed but i hate taking pain meds. just dosent make sense to me. i take the pill to keep going in my life but after i take it all i want to do is sleep. if i went to sleep i wouldnt need the pain pill. a sick catch 22. pain is a symptom so i've never wanted to take the meds before. well now i know the problem and surgery is the only solution to make it go away. i think this is how i justify taking the meds. i know when i look at my own xrays i have a very legit reason, still hate being foggy headed. tooo type A. only a few more weeks. i'm so excited. just wait after i'll be saying "i did this to myself". surgery is tough but it is good to know the relief can be permanent. my greatest gifts ,my kids will reap the benefit for this i'm truly greatful.
Monday, May 4, 2009
and another long day
ok. so i'm doing a photo journal. this is me walking, i'm not hurting at this time but i dont have on any shoes. there is an inch and 1/2 difference and i've got the penguin thing down pat. i didnt realize i was walking more like my mother till i watched this. i hope in a few weeks this is a thing of the past. i got a new cut and colored my hair. a patient said you look sexy with your hair like that all i could say is wait till i have the walk to go with it.
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