to all of those i love,
well i'm off work today and amazingly my mood is much better. lol. i love my job, but pain is a definite distraction. one i'm ready to trade in. i'd like to say thanks to all those that have stood by me especially now when my good and bad days seem to run together. the less my body does for me the more i get in my own head. since i already think too much that is a bad place to be. yesterday i took my mobic, used lidocain patches on each hip and still ended up taking a pain pill. when i got home all i could think is i just want to quit hurting. its bad i can actually see how someone could overdose just trying to get pain to go away. now i've got the meds prescribed but i hate taking pain meds. just dosent make sense to me. i take the pill to keep going in my life but after i take it all i want to do is sleep. if i went to sleep i wouldnt need the pain pill. a sick catch 22. pain is a symptom so i've never wanted to take the meds before. well now i know the problem and surgery is the only solution to make it go away. i think this is how i justify taking the meds. i know when i look at my own xrays i have a very legit reason, still hate being foggy headed. tooo type A. only a few more weeks. i'm so excited. just wait after i'll be saying "i did this to myself". surgery is tough but it is good to know the relief can be permanent. my greatest gifts ,my kids will reap the benefit for this i'm truly greatful.
