Saturday, August 1, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
5 weeks and just can t believe the difference
first i have to tell on myself.
i was bad last week. i started by terring down the kids room, and redoing it. i went on to a week long going to the stores. all of them best buy, books a million and the grocery store. i cooked and cleaned and did my Pt, man i was on a role. it felt great. then the final day last thursday and after hours of walking and lingering in the isles of the neverending book store. it was done. i overdid it. i was sore and eventhough i went to pt on friday and did all i was supposed to even rested the weekend on monday i paid. i was still sore. as i saddled up on my nemasis the bicycle and started, i had to back off. and ask for it to be turned down. they even lowered my workout for the day. oh i really felt bad. after the easier workout and ice. it was not the pain that got to me it was knowing that my recover had to go back a step because i wanted so bad to try out my new found freedom..
i went today and even got to move ahead. did my full time on the torture machine with an extra minute and started some new work.
the recovery however smooth and predicted does get long. there are the days that it seems to never end. so close yet so far away. its not like regular surgery, once the surgical pain is gone its just done. its a process and i am neither patient nor a quitter so i believe i should be superhuman and all things should just be good by now.
i do have to say it dosent take long for reality to set in, two weeks ago i was still using a walker now i use a cane. when i'm around the house i do tend to forget about the cane. i'm not thinking much about the surgical pain any more and the nights are fairly comfortable. its this tail end part when i'm thinking about how to get my walk straight so that nobody notices that seems long. i mean wow. i'm not even to the six week mark and all this has happened. how much faster could i ask for. 5 muscles were cut or pulled everywhich way. the top of the bone was amputated and i have new metal parts. i think my expectations are a little too high.
i think my real fear is a common one. its the fear of still having the limp. its always been something people have noticed and i hate it. now i feel this yet today when i saw a friend she said you dont even limp anymore. now i really do but i guess since she saw me weeks before surgery its not really that bad.
my new goal. to take it easier on myself. let the healing time finish and just keep on working on it. i'm also going to try and remember that my improvements are comming by the day. its not months and weeks anymore. its not a case of having the good days followed by the bad months anymore.
i was bad last week. i started by terring down the kids room, and redoing it. i went on to a week long going to the stores. all of them best buy, books a million and the grocery store. i cooked and cleaned and did my Pt, man i was on a role. it felt great. then the final day last thursday and after hours of walking and lingering in the isles of the neverending book store. it was done. i overdid it. i was sore and eventhough i went to pt on friday and did all i was supposed to even rested the weekend on monday i paid. i was still sore. as i saddled up on my nemasis the bicycle and started, i had to back off. and ask for it to be turned down. they even lowered my workout for the day. oh i really felt bad. after the easier workout and ice. it was not the pain that got to me it was knowing that my recover had to go back a step because i wanted so bad to try out my new found freedom..
i went today and even got to move ahead. did my full time on the torture machine with an extra minute and started some new work.
the recovery however smooth and predicted does get long. there are the days that it seems to never end. so close yet so far away. its not like regular surgery, once the surgical pain is gone its just done. its a process and i am neither patient nor a quitter so i believe i should be superhuman and all things should just be good by now.
i do have to say it dosent take long for reality to set in, two weeks ago i was still using a walker now i use a cane. when i'm around the house i do tend to forget about the cane. i'm not thinking much about the surgical pain any more and the nights are fairly comfortable. its this tail end part when i'm thinking about how to get my walk straight so that nobody notices that seems long. i mean wow. i'm not even to the six week mark and all this has happened. how much faster could i ask for. 5 muscles were cut or pulled everywhich way. the top of the bone was amputated and i have new metal parts. i think my expectations are a little too high.
i think my real fear is a common one. its the fear of still having the limp. its always been something people have noticed and i hate it. now i feel this yet today when i saw a friend she said you dont even limp anymore. now i really do but i guess since she saw me weeks before surgery its not really that bad.
my new goal. to take it easier on myself. let the healing time finish and just keep on working on it. i'm also going to try and remember that my improvements are comming by the day. its not months and weeks anymore. its not a case of having the good days followed by the bad months anymore.
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