week 6

so were finally here. i go to the dr tomorrow to hopefully get my new surgery date.
i'm excited to reach the halfway point. i am not having hip pain, i get some muscle soreness, but i no longer go days between seeing my kitchen. i feel like getting out again, basically i feel like a new person.
i get excited and a little anxious when i think of doing this again. i know how much better i feel but its alot of work.
i'm excited about the work as well. i know that once both hips are done i can go to the gym. my time in physical therapy ,especially on the bike ,has shown me that exercise isnt supposed to hurt the way i'm used to it hurting.
its like if you had a headache every day of your life. you know it hurts it makes you miserable, but you've always had this headache so there is no point telling everyone. then one day you take a med that works all you can think is man this is great you mean everyone else feels like this. wow no wonder i hated to do some things they loved to do . you know the cumulative "they", the ones that you compare yourself to that dont really exhist.
comming up always having hip stuff is hard. you feel the same as everyone else but everyone notices your different. walking is very tell tale. 60% of language is body language. (learned that in my speach class, lol) anyhow in the past i've done alot so people wouldnt notice how i walked. in large groups there were times i wanted to just shrink away. i avoided places that required heels, and i always tried to walk fast just to get it over with. just doing those things makes you appear less confident, yes there is a walk that shows confidence, determination, success. a limp makes you appear flawed, broken.
now what it should show is perserverance, anyone that has hip stuff knows it takes alot to do things others take for granted. it should show the exact things it takes away from, the determination and success especially, it takes alot to take painful steps and keep on going.
in life you see lots of people that use excuses not to succeed people that arent physically flawed. when you've lived your life trying to overcome these flaws its really hard to understand these people all you can think is "they are so lucky". so today i'm feeling blessed. each time i exercise is a chance for me to improve a outward perception of who i am. i'm the same but to be seen as the person i really am is important.